I’m in Rome. But I would rather be where I belong. I don’t know where that is however. Sometimes, I don’t think I ever will.
There’s fire in the sky.
I’m laying in a field of roses.
I’m not scared.
I feel you there.
You’re waiting for me.
He locked her in a cage and kept her for himself.
The personality she should have found has been lost.
Like her innocence.
There’s a box locked deep inside of her, but she can’t open it.
If she did, a flood would open and take her away.
So instead, she buries it deeper every single day.
It’s better off that way.
I let the poetry flow from my insides, straight to my fingertips.
The pain, fear, neglect pouring onto the page in an ugly array.
Depression is something many writers know well.
But we use that to our advantage.
Mincing the words together until they mean something, anything.
Then we expose them like a wound to the world for inspection.
They put words in between the lines that we painstakingly pulled from our hearts.
But that is the secret to our secret lives.
The satisfaction of no one knowing what is hidden behind those letters on the page.
They’re open for adaptation, so take what you need from our words.
Twist them as you please.
Only in our hearts lie the stories we mean.
The funny thing about death is that it makes you think about life. A guy I grew up with ( and had a huge crush on for years) just died recently in a horrible accident. At first I just felt shock, but then I saw the message his death sends. We need to live. In order to honor CJs death, we have to embrace the fact that we still have lives to live, and we have to live them to the fullest. The meaning of life is to constantly grow, learn, take healthy risks, and be open to things, always be open to new things. There is no room for hate, or judgement, or negativity. We have to let things roll off our backs and worry only about our loved ones and ourselves and just let other people live their lives. And I’ve come to peace with the fact that God can take me any time, but until that day I am going to enjoy every moment I possibly can. I’m excited to see where my life brings me in the next few years, these being the most important years of my adult life. It may be hard transitioning between child and adulthood, but it can be a beautiful thing if you let it. And I now intend to let it be bright and beautiful, and full of what I want out of life. Thank you CJ, for giving me that peace. Your death was a tragic thing and your loving, caring, funny, talented, and brave soul will absolutely cause a void in the world for anyone who had the luck to cross paths with you even once, but you will never be forgotten by us.
My roommate and best friend Shaunna left for England last week for a semester abroad. Since then I have learned many things about myself and life in general. A lot of it has to do with being lonely. It’s hard to find new friends once you graduate college. Work friends never want to get too close, and schedules conflict sometimes. My current friends all have their own lives with husbands, children, and houses to keep up with. That leaves me to my own devices. I cook, I workout, I do things to fill my time, but it’s just not the same without someone to share it with. That is what I learned. I always thought that I didn’t need anyone around, but it turns out that you do. You need people in your life to help get you out of a funk, to share the good and the bad times with. I haven’t lost her forever, but it made me realize that I need more than one friend, I can’t put everything on her. I need to branch out and fill my life with people and positivity. That is one of the keys to a happy life.
I just want to lay forever.
In a bed of red roses.
Never to lift my head.
And stay drifting away.